Today is a good day to be grateful for my marriage. Over the last several years we have witnessed more than a handful of marriages (both our friends' and some in our family) fall apart, or disintegrate. Jon and I have been third party, or a listening ear, for some of the people in those marriages; and each time, I am more and more grateful for the marriage we have. It is not perfect. It is not from a storybook. It is NOT easy. But, it's something we have worked on from day one. We have had our trials and uphill battles ... and they will never go away ... but, the one thing that we agreed on when we got married was that divorce would never be an option.
When I met my in-laws for the first time, I could almost feel their hesitancy about me because my parents are divorced. It was almost like they were afraid for Jon ... thinking that because my parents divorced, that it would be more likely that I would want a divorce (as compared to someone who's parents had been married for years and years). I don't know for certain if these were their thoughts, I've never asked them, or if they were just concerned about what it might mean for our family in the future. I do know, however, that they seemed to be overcompensating for something ... perhaps they didn't feel comfortable, or maybe they were just nervous anyway. But, for years, that meeting has stuck with me. And, perhaps there is a part of me that wants to prove them wrong, or that perception wrong.
If anything, I think that because I have experienced divorced second-hand (as in, I didn't divorce, but was affected by it), I am MORE LIKELY to fight it. And, while divorce will never be an option for us, we do not go around ignoring the idea of divorce. On the contrary, we think about it maybe as much as those who are considering it ... only because we are taking precautions to avoid it. It is work, every single day, and I am so grateful we have the tools to perform this labor with love and finesse. I will be forever grateful for the suggestion from my mom that we take a marriage class during the first few years of our marriage. That class alone, has saved our marriage more and more as the years have gone by. Inevitably, I must say, I am so grateful for Jon and his effort in our marriage. It's hard to think that half of our marriage is in his hands ... I have no control over it and cannot force it to work ... and I must trust him whole heartedly with his half. If he doesn't do what he's promised and covenanted to do, it will not work ... and it almost causes me anxiety to think about him not upholding those promises. It's during times like these when I must remember that I know Jon ... and he is completely honest with me (even saying that he shares things with me that he probably doesn't need to, just so I don't question). He is wonderful ... and I'm so grateful everyday that he chooses me.
When I met my in-laws for the first time, I could almost feel their hesitancy about me because my parents are divorced. It was almost like they were afraid for Jon ... thinking that because my parents divorced, that it would be more likely that I would want a divorce (as compared to someone who's parents had been married for years and years). I don't know for certain if these were their thoughts, I've never asked them, or if they were just concerned about what it might mean for our family in the future. I do know, however, that they seemed to be overcompensating for something ... perhaps they didn't feel comfortable, or maybe they were just nervous anyway. But, for years, that meeting has stuck with me. And, perhaps there is a part of me that wants to prove them wrong, or that perception wrong.
If anything, I think that because I have experienced divorced second-hand (as in, I didn't divorce, but was affected by it), I am MORE LIKELY to fight it. And, while divorce will never be an option for us, we do not go around ignoring the idea of divorce. On the contrary, we think about it maybe as much as those who are considering it ... only because we are taking precautions to avoid it. It is work, every single day, and I am so grateful we have the tools to perform this labor with love and finesse. I will be forever grateful for the suggestion from my mom that we take a marriage class during the first few years of our marriage. That class alone, has saved our marriage more and more as the years have gone by. Inevitably, I must say, I am so grateful for Jon and his effort in our marriage. It's hard to think that half of our marriage is in his hands ... I have no control over it and cannot force it to work ... and I must trust him whole heartedly with his half. If he doesn't do what he's promised and covenanted to do, it will not work ... and it almost causes me anxiety to think about him not upholding those promises. It's during times like these when I must remember that I know Jon ... and he is completely honest with me (even saying that he shares things with me that he probably doesn't need to, just so I don't question). He is wonderful ... and I'm so grateful everyday that he chooses me.
Comments
I've wondered in the past, how I would view marriage if my parents had gotten a divorce. You are so good to work so hard for what you really want -- despite the odds. I think people like to get philosophical about that ("my parents are divorced, therefore I'll probably get divorced"). There are no guarantees for anyone! You are AWESOME, Marisa, for working for what YOU want. I can tell you have a great marriage -- there is respect there. Your kids are a good mirror -- showing what kind of parents they have and your kids are AWESOME, too. :) :)
Love ya, Marisa! You're are a wonderful example to me! :)
P.S. Congratulations on the new job and the new house!! Yay!!!