Dreaming

Have you ever had one of those dreams that just seems so real that you wake up and you feel all the emotions that you had in the dream? That happened early this morning.

I was having a really strange dream at first in which I got a phone call from a bar & grill manager asking me about my political views. Then he invited my husband and me to his establishment for a free drink and to discuss politics.

(Side note: this didn't seem too out of the ordinary for me because Jon is registered in the party of his choice, so we are always getting phone calls from people informing us of events and stuff.)

So, we go to get our free drinks. After sitting there for a while, and getting really hungry, we realize that the manager really meant "free drinks" and not any food at all. Well, Jon was starving and hated smelling all the steaks being served, so we decided to go to a different restaurant (one that we could afford).

As we are walking out into the parking lot, I see one of my friends from high school and her husband sitting in their car. We aren't the only ones walking in the parking lot, and my friend and her husband start making out just to gross out the people around us. (Strange, I know; where did that come from?) When they stop I recognize her and go up to her window to say hi.

My friend and her husband get out of the car and we decide we better take a picture of us together. So, I go to my van and get out my camera. I tell Jon that my battery is almost dead because the camera was left on. He then says, "Oh, good, you can still take a picture." So, he stands by my friend, whose husband has disappeared out of the dream at this point.

I turn around and start looking through the viewfinder and see a huge storm brewing behind us. I start to say, "Wow, where did that storm ...." Then I stop and change my sentence. I end up saying, "Oh my gosh! Look at that tornado!" There is a huge tornado heading right toward us. I watch in awe as the tornado circles the parking lot and all I can think is, "Don't come this way. Don't come this way." At this point I notice it turn and it's about to overrun us. I yell,"Run to the building!" But, my friend and my husband just look at me dumbfounded and Jon says, "No! You need to stay here!" He stays put and I run for my life. I turn around to yell back to my husband and see my friend and Jon get sucked into the tornado. I start screaming, "NO! NO! NO!" Then, the tornado dissipates and is gone.

At first I just kneel on the ground and rock back and forth moaning, "No, no, no, no." Tears are streaming down my face, and I feel absolutely alone. Then I stand up and look into the sky expecting my husband and friend to just fall out of the sky and nothing happens. Overcome with grief and horror I decide I've got to get home to the children. So, I climb into the van and start to drive home. The whole time I keep getting the feeling that I need to turn around and look on the roof of the building for Jon. So, I finally decide to follow that feeling and I turn around only to get lost in the city.

Then I woke up. And, I was filled with so much dread, fear, sorrow, pain, and grief at losing my husband in my dream that I had all those feelings when I woke. All I wanted to do was hold him and never let him go for fear I'd never see him again. When I woke up the alarm was about to go off, so I just waited for him to get up and turn it off. Then, when he got back in the bed and let me snuggle with him I asked, "If you're standing in a parking lot outside of a building and a tornado starts heading toward you, what do you do?" His reply didn't calm me at all: "I don't know." Why is it that I needed him to say something like, "Run toward the building," or "Lay down on the ground between the cars" just to reassure me that if that situation occurred I wouldn't find myself all alone?