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Moving Forward Mondays: On Praising

It's only been a little under a week, and I have very little to show for my progress.  My list of "fun" goals actually is much easier to focus on.  I am up to date with the number of pages I need to read of The Book of Mormon ... in fact, I am ahead.  :-)  I went to a used book sale and got five new-to-me classics for my classic book reading goal ... and I've been reading Jane Eyre.  I have practiced my guitar almost everyday as well.  And, I just finished day one of P90X ... Jon and I are doing it together.  We borrowed it from a friend to see if we want to invest in it.  I like The Firm a lot, so I'm still having a hard time transferring my loyalties.  But, Jon's going mountain biking tomorrow morning, so I think I'll pull out The Firm and do that while he's gone.


Now, my harder, more important goals?  Well, right now I feel a little bit like the group of soldiers in the movie, Mulan.  You know, the group that ends up fighting and has to pick up every single grain of rice?  Remember the captain shoots an arrow at the top of a post, then places heavy medallions on the wrists of a soldier.  He explains that one represents strength and the other represents discipline.  Then, he says that the soldier needs both to retrieve the arrow, and asks him to "retrieve the arrow."  Then, soldier after soldier tries to climb the post and they all end up falling on their rear ends.  Um, yeah, that's me this week.  I can't wait for the week when I get to actually be Mulan and figure out how to use the medallions in order to get the arrow.




So far, I've gone a little better at praising my children.  Sometimes I get hung up on what I'm told to do.  Remember, I'm a rule follower?  If someone says not to do something, that's all I can think about.  Our teacher for our marriage class in 2000 or 2001 told us not to use the words "ought," or "should" when we speak to our spouse because then we are parenting them.  He also said that it's impolite to say "sure" or "no problem" whenever anyone thanks you; that it's better to say "you're welcome."  Now, whenever I am going to say "should" or "ought," I bite my tongue and say "I think it's a good idea if ..."  And, whenever I thank someone and they say "yep," or "no problem," it's gets on my nerves.


In my parenting book I'm reading, she talks about praise and how it needs to be specific.  Just saying "good job" isn't praising the person.  And, I say "good job" A LOT!  It's been hard to think of something else to say.  But, I've slowly started to change my habit and way of thinking.  So, there have been a lot of times when I've said, "Hey, good jaw ..........., I like how you did that." Or, I say something like, "You are learning so well how to follow instructions."  The first isn't as good as the second, but I'm slowly learning, and there's always a learning curve, right?  I just have to keep chanting in my head:


Praise should be about the person, not the behavior or action.
Praise should be about the person, not the behavior or action.
Praise should be about the person, not the behavior or action.


In all, I think the best thing about checking in today, is that I realize I have done better than I thought when I first sat down to write.  And, that's a good thing: getting rid of disappointment in myself gives me the strength and courage to continue moving forward.

Comments

Lynette said…
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this post! You are such a great example to me. I can't tell you that enough. :)
Aubrey A said…
I have been struggling to this past week. Trying super hard to be more positive and praiseworthy of my children. It's an uphill battle, but like you I see little improvements. I try to really think about "how" or "what" I'm going to say to them now. And even though I think I've fallen down more than I've stood up this week, at least I've tried. I like the phrase you posted about praise. I will add that to my mental list as well. Thanks for the inspiration! :)

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