This last week has been quite an eye opener for me. I never realized how hard and traumatic our moving experience was for our family ... until recently.
I spoke in church on Sunday and used an example of a question Adam once asked Jon after we moved into our house as an introduction to my topic ... sort of. Anyway, it was as I was preparing that I realized that our children/family have been yanked back and forth so much in the last year.
Adam's question was:
"Do we get to stay here?"
It was after Jon told me about Adam's question that I realized that our children have been deeply affected by our move. 10+ months of limbo will do that to you.
The affects have been most apparent in Andrew. His behavior has changed so much since we moved out here. He has started to throw up a wall everytime he gets upset. Sometimes that wall is so thick we can't break it down and have to walk away in frustration. When he gets upset, he simply sits, looking down, and will not answer any questions or talk at all. This behavior started to happen in earnest after we moved.
And, yesterday .... he ran home from school. I posted it in my status on Facebook, and friends replied with things like, "Scary!" and "I'd be mad at the school." But, really, I was shocked to see him at home, and that was it. In fact, I felt so deeply for him that I didn't want to send him back to school. I wanted to walk over there and sign him out for the day.
I thought that if something made him so upset that he just had to get out of there to a place where he feels stability and love, then sending him back would just make things worse. But, I called the school and took him back to school. I talked to the principal, and the first thing she said was, "I'm so sorry." I didn't understand why she was apologizing. I felt like Andrew was the one who needed to say sorry; like I was the one who needed to say sorry because my son didn't understand, because I hadn't taught him to stay in school.
I'm still not mad about it, but I am a little flabbergasted that my six-year-old was able to go outside of the building and climb the fence that surrounds the school grounds without one adult seeing him, then run across a three-way stop and climb our cinderblock fence around our house to get in through the back door because the front door was locked.
But, through this experience, I have learned that my children need some stability in their lives right now. Eliza summed it up tonight while I was talking to her. She said, "I don't care where I am, I just want to feel like I belong."
As I was walking home from the school after taking Andrew back, all I could think was that I want to pull him out of school and homeschool him. He is bullied at school (children telling him that he is stupid), he is consistently sent out of the classroom because he won't do his work (which doesn't help with the bullying), and he sits alone at lunch. How could I not feel like I don't want him at school?
I decided it was time to listen to my mother-heart. For many months now I have been neglecting my mother-heart; and I am not going to again.
Today, we decided, Jon and I, that Andrew will be homeschooled next year. I feel like he needs a little security and stability in his life and homeschool will do that for him, especially since he will be able to get the one-on-one attention he craves so much and needs to help him stay motivated. And, that little decision has eased my pain and worry. At least, it did until I heard Eliza and Kate saying they want to be homeschooled because of the way they are treated at school.
It makes me so sad to think that my children are being abused and bullied at school just because they are new. Such a hard transition for them to go through, and I hate that we've done this to them. As much as I like to be in new places and learn new things, I don't think I ever want to put my children through something like this again ... they may get stronger through new places and new friends, but then again, maybe not.
I spoke in church on Sunday and used an example of a question Adam once asked Jon after we moved into our house as an introduction to my topic ... sort of. Anyway, it was as I was preparing that I realized that our children/family have been yanked back and forth so much in the last year.
Adam's question was:
"Do we get to stay here?"
It was after Jon told me about Adam's question that I realized that our children have been deeply affected by our move. 10+ months of limbo will do that to you.
The affects have been most apparent in Andrew. His behavior has changed so much since we moved out here. He has started to throw up a wall everytime he gets upset. Sometimes that wall is so thick we can't break it down and have to walk away in frustration. When he gets upset, he simply sits, looking down, and will not answer any questions or talk at all. This behavior started to happen in earnest after we moved.
And, yesterday .... he ran home from school. I posted it in my status on Facebook, and friends replied with things like, "Scary!" and "I'd be mad at the school." But, really, I was shocked to see him at home, and that was it. In fact, I felt so deeply for him that I didn't want to send him back to school. I wanted to walk over there and sign him out for the day.
I thought that if something made him so upset that he just had to get out of there to a place where he feels stability and love, then sending him back would just make things worse. But, I called the school and took him back to school. I talked to the principal, and the first thing she said was, "I'm so sorry." I didn't understand why she was apologizing. I felt like Andrew was the one who needed to say sorry; like I was the one who needed to say sorry because my son didn't understand, because I hadn't taught him to stay in school.
I'm still not mad about it, but I am a little flabbergasted that my six-year-old was able to go outside of the building and climb the fence that surrounds the school grounds without one adult seeing him, then run across a three-way stop and climb our cinderblock fence around our house to get in through the back door because the front door was locked.
But, through this experience, I have learned that my children need some stability in their lives right now. Eliza summed it up tonight while I was talking to her. She said, "I don't care where I am, I just want to feel like I belong."
As I was walking home from the school after taking Andrew back, all I could think was that I want to pull him out of school and homeschool him. He is bullied at school (children telling him that he is stupid), he is consistently sent out of the classroom because he won't do his work (which doesn't help with the bullying), and he sits alone at lunch. How could I not feel like I don't want him at school?
I decided it was time to listen to my mother-heart. For many months now I have been neglecting my mother-heart; and I am not going to again.
Today, we decided, Jon and I, that Andrew will be homeschooled next year. I feel like he needs a little security and stability in his life and homeschool will do that for him, especially since he will be able to get the one-on-one attention he craves so much and needs to help him stay motivated. And, that little decision has eased my pain and worry. At least, it did until I heard Eliza and Kate saying they want to be homeschooled because of the way they are treated at school.
It makes me so sad to think that my children are being abused and bullied at school just because they are new. Such a hard transition for them to go through, and I hate that we've done this to them. As much as I like to be in new places and learn new things, I don't think I ever want to put my children through something like this again ... they may get stronger through new places and new friends, but then again, maybe not.
Comments
When you posted on FB about Andrew my first thought was, "how bad the school experience must be for him, if he was trying to escape." When Aaron came home and we were talking about Andrew's situation, his comment was "Why are they taking him out of class? Don't they (meaning the teachers/administration) know that it will only increase the bullying?" I'm so sorry that this move has been so traumatic to your children. There's nothing worse as a mother than to watch your children struggle needlessly. It will make your children stronger, of that I am sure. But maybe this is the catalyst that will propel you to do what you've wanted to all alone. . . homeschool your children. Take faith, and courage Marisa. As I told you before, you'll be a better teacher/mom than you think. :) Love your little family & wish I could do more.
You are SUCH A GOOD MOM!!!!!