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Vitamin L

A while ago, our family read an article in The Friend magazine, entitled "Vitamin L."  After reading the story, Eliza had the idea to make our own Vitamin L.  So, she took our jar of vitamins and gave it a fashion makeover of sorts.  I wish I could say that giving our children the "vitamin L" changed the way they acted, but it rarely did.

This is something that I'm sure a lot of families struggle with: teaching their children to be kind to each other.  I've always found it odd that we seem to treat the people who we love the most with the most disrespect.  Many of the things that our children say or do to each other are things that they wouldn't even consider saying or doing to their friends.  And, yet, they are not eternally bound to their friends.  What is it about the friend or stranger status that makes it "okay" to respect them, and not "okay" to respect family members?

Or, perhaps my children just haven't been taught as well as they should have.  There are a handful of times I can remember telling my children that they need to be respectful to strangers and friends, and they remember that.  But, there are many more times I remember telling them to be respectful of each other and show each other love.  Maybe it is a location, or an inflection in my voice that makes it more memorable to be respectful to their friends.  Or, could it be purely environmental?  Being at home around each other much more than they are around their friends and their friends' families may make my children more emotionally involved with the circumstances leading to their disrespect, thereby causing their disrespectful behavior.

In any case, I wish I could say that giving my children their daily does of "vitamin L" worked and that they acted completely differently toward each other, always remembering to show love.  And, while we did talk about it when we read the story, and after Eliza decorated our jar of vitamins, I think this will always be a struggle with our little ones until they begin to understand more abstract ideas.  Eliza and Kate understand quite well, but perhaps that is also due to their age.  They have turned eight, and according to psychologists something just "clicks" in their brain making it so they can understand and choose the difference between right and wrong.  For now, I'll take my vitamin L everyday and hope that through my example and persuasions my children will begin to make the choice to show respect to everyone in the family ... thereby taking their daily dose of vitamin L.

Comments

Becky said…
If a pill is what it would take to get my kids to get along, I'm all in. It's not just you, I probably say "be nice" at least a hundred times a day. I fought a lot with my siblings when we were growing up, and now we're all the best of friends, so I can only hope they'll grow out of it. Just take comfort in the fact that it's not just you!
Aubrey A said…
"They" say that you're cruelest to those who love you, because you know that no matter what you will always be loved. So from a family stand point, children are cruelest to their siblings (and parents) because they know that they are loved and they feel safe to react (in very unflattering ways) and know that they will still be loved. If you act ill toward a friend the chances are you're going to lose them and I think a child knows that without really knowing the reason behind that. It doesn't make it any less of a bitter pill to swallow and as a Mom you often finding yourself wondering if it's your fault. I know it's not though. My children fight all the time, but they also show some of the most tenderest emotions toward their siblings. I fought all the time with my siblings growing up, my sister hated me in fact until I was (and she was for that matter) older, but now she's my best friend. It's part of growing up, it's part of life. I'm not saying it can't be different or that you shouldn't try because I think in the end that our efforts as mothers to provide love and a loving environment is what eventually turns the children around. Just don't give up, and don't blame yourself. After all they still have their agency. :)
Lynette said…
What you're talking about happens with my kids, too. I have made it a point to tell my children that their siblings are their friends. I rarely say to them, "You don't talk to your brother/sister that way!" I almost always say, "You don't talk to your friend that way!" I never realized, growing up, that my siblings could be/were my friends, but now that I have children of my own, I want them to look at their siblings, first and foremost, as their best friends. And like you, I have to remind them often that their behavior towards each other is not acceptable, that they DO NOT treat friends that way. So when they DO treat each other with kindness, love and respect, I try to remember to say, "What a good friend you are!" I'm hoping that emphasizing friendship in our family will help them better appreciate each other. My children really are each other's best friends and I want it to remain that way throughout their lives. I think you have every right to be concerned about how your children treat each other and I think you're doing a fantastic job! I remember at the Splash Park your children were watching out for each other and helping each other. That speaks volumes about what kind of mother they have!! The fact that you are even posting about this issue speaks volumes. :)

Enough rambling from me. :) :)

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