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Unapproachable

Tomorrow night the women from church are meeting to go see a display at the Mesa Temple Visitor's Center. I want to see the display. I don't want to go with those women. Not because they are rude. Because I don't have any friends yet, and I kind of don't want to try to make any friends with these women whom I will probably see very, very, very rarely once we move. I already feel a lot of obligation to the people in this congregation, and know it will be hard enough to say good-bye in a few short weeks/months when we end up closing on a house.

The only thing that stops me from feeling too badly about my attitude is the fact that very, very few people have tried to reach out to me. Jon and I have talked about this before and we've decided that I am probably one of those people that has a bubble around them stamped with the word: UNAPPROACHABLE. We think this because there have been times when it seems I have intimidated others, completely unbeknownst to me.

Why is it that we get so intimidated by the talents, looks, successes of others? It's almost as if we forget that we possess characteristics that make us unique and special as well.

Jon wants to play Rock Band this weekend with a buddy from work, and he has been telling me about this guy and his wife. And I am already intimidated, and resolved to act the way I normally do when someone is overly confident and outspoken, the way Jon described this coworker. Why is that? Why does it scare me to think about how this man may or may not conduct himself?

All I know is that I don't like that I've been written off and judged based on what people have seen of my outward self. No one here knows the "real" me because what they see is too scary for them to approach. And, it's sad. So when I meet this friend of Jon's, I can only hope that I don't retreat into my turtle shell of intimidation, and show him that I may not be overly confident and loud, but there are some great things about me that he and his wife can know if only they give me a chance.

Comments

Lynette said…
It's hard being a woman. I don't think men even think about these types of things, but I know we do!! My problem is I try to hard to make friends, instead of let it happen naturally. I'm one who is easily intimidated by people. But I have to say I don't think you are intimidating. I don't remember ever thinking so. I think you are incredibly smart and mature and just...a terrific person all around. :)
Aubrey A said…
I have a lot to say about this. More than I could comment here. Needless to say, I feel your pain. I'm in the exact same boat as you are, and I'm sorry to hear it. BUT, does this post mean you've found a house?
Shilo said…
You are awesome, just remember that!
We've lived in our house for about 4 years now and still feel mostly alone.
I think things will be fine with the buddy from work and when you do settle down somewhere you'll find friends easy!
Aimee said…
I completely understand where you are coming from. I am easily intimidated by others, and tend to have to "warm up" to them and/or situations and sometimes I am not enough of a chance for others to really get to know "me". Good luck!
The Hill Clan said…
It's sad to me that people, especially members of the church, don't reach out to the new people in the area. You are an amazing person Marisa and I can't imagine any one not wanting to get to know you. I think people sometimes get comfortable in their cliques and then forget to reach out. I always felt out of place as well until we moved up here. It was a new start and I really tried to get to know people even if they didn't make the effort first. I started doing game nights for the laides in the ward, well the ones closest to my age, and that started other people organizing things and getting everyone involved and now (not that it's all my doing, in fact it's far from it) I have a great circle of friends and we have so much fun going to the movies or going out for birthdays and playing bunco or other games. It's just an idea but it is so much fun to do game nights. It gives everyone a chance to unwind and have fun. Take it for what it's worth Marisa, but I love ya and I'm glad you're my sister-in-law!!

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