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"It's Stuck, Lenny!"

I was sitting in the kitchen, doing a little blog hopping on my phone when I heard, "Come on, Ming Ming!" and "It's stuck, Lenny!"


Maryanne has really been into watching "The Wonder Pets!" recently.  So, hearing those two sentences normally wouldn't be out of place.  Except that it was my little Adam (who is not so little anymore), and my princess Maryanne (who, most definitely is a princess) who were yelling those words to each other.


As I heard those cute little voices, all I could think was that they aren't going to be in this stage for very much longer.  Eliza and Kate still play like this, but only with Maryanne, not with each other.  They have already grown on and talk about boys and friends, clothes, makeup, and fingernail polish.  And, they aren't even allowed to participate is most of those things!  


My children are growing up so quickly.  And, I realize now that I've missed most of it.


Yesterday, Andrew had a really rough morning.  He is an extremely sensitive little boy (who, also, is not so little anymore, but I continually forget that).  Adam and Andrew got into a fight before school, and Andrew couldn't let it go in time to be ready for school.  Eliza had a field trip that morning, so I took Eliza and Kate to school, then came back home to help Andrew get ready.  Roughly thirty minutes later I was walking back home from having dropped Andrew off at school.


While I was walking I realized that I have always been a detached person.  I am not a person who easily opens up to others, or even shares all of my thoughts and feelings with my best friends.  Hugging is completely foreign to me.  And, I know I try my hardest to hide my emotions ... especially at church when the Spirit is so strong and starts to make my eyes water.


This makes it extremely hard to be the parent who is more concerned about my daughter getting hit by pictures falling off the wall that she just ran into while playing, than the parent who is concerned that a picture frame just fell on the floor and broke ... in someone else's home.  It makes it hard to be the parent who stops talking with a friend and listens to my child who has interrupted our conversation.  And, it is so difficult to be the mom who listens to my children talk about their struggles and react in a loving and caring way.


I am a detached parent.  In fact, the only child I am really attached to is Andrew, because I see his hurt all the time when negative things are said.


But, this morning, I was attached.  We were running late this morning, and something was said to the children about being late for school.  As I walked the children to school to check them in, I noticed that Eliza's face was downcast.  So, instead of running to school to get there, hopefully, on time, we took our time and I reaffirmed their worth to both Jon and me.  I told them that sometimes things are said when we are stressed that aren't true.  I gave them all hugs and told them I loved them and that they are always the best of the best.


And, when I came home I heard Adam and Maryanne playing "The Wonder Pets!"  Adam was rolling around in a sheet yelling "help!" and Maryanne was trying to help him.  I sat here and cried, knowing that I need to get off my rear end and spend this time I have with my children before it is gone.  I need to make a little investment in my children because pretty soon they won't be role playing anymore, they will be talking about friends, cars, sports, dances, girls' camp, scouts, babysitting, etc.




It's time I become attached.



Comments

Kristina Werner said…
:)

I think you're very much attached. And I love that you pause our conversations to speak to your children. Yes, you do. I've noticed it and think, "What a cool mom."

And you hug. I remember fighting off your hugs in lit mag class. LOL! Those were the days, yeah?

Don't beat yourself up too much. Life is too short to do that. Just enjoy each day and each person a bit more.

I sure enjoy you. :)
Aubrey A said…
I agree with everything Kristina said (except for fighting off hugs in lit mag class :). You are a very "attached" mom. I know the feeling you are feeling all too well. I went through the same feelings around Christmas time. I think the realization that your "little-ones" aren't so little anymore, and the fact that all too soon their lives will become merely spectator sports is a hard pill for us "attached" mother's to swallow. It speaks volumes to me that you would stop and tell your children that you love them, and that you took the time to help Andrew through a rough day. To me it shows that you are a wonderful mother who cares very deeply about the individual needs of her children. If you were a "detached" mother, you wouldn't care that Andrew struggles, or that Eliza was upset about whatever was said. A true "detached" parent wouldn't worry and loose sleep over their children's education, they wouldn't worry that their child had somehow managed to sneak out of school, they wouldn't spend hours upon hours making dresses for a dance recital, or wonder at the innocence of children playing together. Don't be so hard on yourself. You need to remember that we need time for ourselves too. Sometimes blog-hopping is the only way I can make it through a particularly grueling day. After all, you can't be "Super-Mom" all the time (other people need to have that chance).

Oh--and just because you're not a "hugger" or an "emotional-crier" does not mean that you are detached either. (At least I hope it doesn't, because I'm the exact same way. :)
Lynette said…
I can't really add anything more to what Kristina and Aubrey have said. They nailed it. :) I know how you feel, though, and I think you are too hard on yourself, too. What makes you so amazing to me is how aware you are of your role as a mother. So many moms are anxious to "check out" as soon as their kids are out the door or whatever, but I don't think you are one of them. :)

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